Some readers of this who know me may have a few questions on their minds:
Where the hell have I been? Whatís happened to all of my websites? What
am I doing now?
As a disclaimer, I relate my story not to elicit pity or sympathy; Iím simply
explaining whatís transpired over the last few years.
When I was last regularly visible, I was in the process of growing a nascent
business, NZT Products. Among many other things,
Iíd secured a patent for a new coupler design.
Just as I was about to develop the prototype, the bottom fell out of my life.
Iím not about to relate the detailsóitís simply too emotionally harrowing,
it involves people and events I do not wish to mention, and it wouldn't
mean anything to anyone else anyway. In short, I was forced to put
everything I owned into storage, and mothball all of my projects.
Originally this was to be just for a year or so while I built a new home
for myself, complete with a spanky-new workshop for NZT. Bad luck
persisted in following me, though, and owing to a substantial commercial
real estate deal that went south, I was financially ruined and my home
building was stalled halfway through construction.
Itís now going on three years since the onset of this misadventure,
and the end is still nowhere in sight. Out of necessity, I now live
off-grid in a 12 by 12 foot cabin that was originally intended to be
guest quarters for my unfinished house, and survive by taking small
handyman jobsóIíve done considerable navel-gazing as I repair other
peopleís toilets. I sold my new car to buy a 15-year-old junker, my
four cats live in a beat-up camping trailer, I have no health insurance,
and I have Lyme Disease.
Thatís my life in a nutshell. It is what it is.
Lately Iíve made some changes in an effort to improve my emotional
health, to combat deep, sometimes almost debilitating depression.
Iíve pulled my desktop computer out of storage and scrounged up
a generator so I can get online more and do other more ďnormalĒ
Probably the biggest news for some readers is that Iíve returned to
modeling, albeit in crazy fits and starts. For obvious reasons Iím forced
to stick with micro-layouts, and to use only what supplies I have on hand.
This has shaped my modeling efforts in strange ways. Again, it is what it is.
Oh, and all of those websites? Hard to pay domain name and hosting
fees when youíre broke. I still have this domain simply because I needed
to keep my email working. Lately Iíve been dusting off some of my old
modeling sites and hosting them all under my one domain here, along
with some new stuff. And the NZT domain is still intact as an act of
pure optimism. But please donít hold your breathóIím not holding mine.
I ask those who may be tempted to email me to please refrain;
in my present state, Iím prone to either snap at people or simply
ignore them altogether.
And before you ask, no, Iím not coming back to The Railwire, despite
having received requests. I donít hate the forum or anyone on it; Iím
simply not in a frame of mind to be social at all. Perhaps someday, if
this nightmare somehow resolves itself positively, I may slowly resurface;
otherwise, be content with this fleetingóif depressingóglimpse of ďDKS.Ē
ďYou canít be brave if youíve only had wonderful things happen to you.Ē
ó Mary Tyler Moore