Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
2017, EuropaCorp et al
Oh dear, this is so sad. Luc Besson, one of my favorite filmmakers (The Fifth Element), poured his heart and soul into a total flop. Make no mistake, if judged solely on visuals, this would surely be the most spectacular film ever made. Ever. But owing to a clumsy story, flat script, lifeless direction and dismal performances from miscast leads, it was a disaster. The male lead created a thoroughly unlikeable character, the female lead couldn't act her way out of a paper bag, and we hardly ever saw the antagonist.
But getting back to the visuals... they were utterly astounding—without doubt the finest effects I've ever seen, with some seriously lifelike humanoids. This was leaps and bounds beyond anything achieved to date. Plus, the aliens far outnumbered the humans; indeed, it could be argued that Valerian is actually an animated film featuring a few token live-action characters. After seeing the making-of docs, I went back and re-watched a few scenes with an even greater sense of awe. If only Besson had turned the script and casting over to more capable hands... Crap. I'm so bummed. Still, the effects saved this from being a wet fart, so there's that.
James Cameron, take note: the people of the planet Mül are how your silly Pandorans should have looked.
DKS 12/17/17
Rev 4/3/22
GRUMPY OLD FART-O-METER® Rating:
