Grump Central Archive: Week of 18 October 2020
Saturday, 24 October 2020
It has been a very, very rough past few days, as I've been helping a friend through an extreme emotional crisis. And just to pile it on, right in the middle of everything I got a flat tire. It's all under control now, but I'm utterly exhausted, physically and emotionally spent.
Thursday, 23 October 2020
The beech trees have begun spinning their gold.
Wednesday, 22 October 2020
After multiple recommendations and considerable encouragement from some of my regulars, I'm pleased to announce my first—and probably my only—custom calendar, featuring 13 images taken on my property between 2015 and 2020. I did test prints with different vendors to obtain the best reproduction quality possible. Please enjoy!
Tuesday, 20 October 2020
So, that heartburn? It was almost certainly a coronary artery spasm. And I've had another yesterday morning, albeit not as severe. Now that I review the literature on it, I recall discussing this with my cardiologist. Friends are urging me to see a doctor. Well, I've already done that, and we've already established what courses of action remain for me: they are few in number, extremely undesirable, and entirely impractical. I'd much rather let nature take its course than struggle on as a medical experiment, suffering all manner of side effects—not to mention the financial costs—of various drugs or treatments, with no assurances as to their efficacy.
I try to look at the positive side of this: it may mean the end is growing near. I know that doesn't sound at all "positive," but as I've said before, living this way is quite unpleasant—certainly not how I'd have wanted to spend my retirement. Add to this my bad neck, knees, emotional state, and any of a number of other issues that contribute to an overall poor quality of life. For me, quality of life is paramount; without it, I've a rapidly diminishing desire to carry on.
Monday, 19 October 2020
Not to be an alarmist, but very early yesterday morning I was awakened by a really bad case of heartburn. Now, the thing is, I almost never get heartburn, and I've also read enough accounts of how heart attacks start to know this is one of the signs. I'm also prone to PVCs and brain shocks, and the heartburn was accompanied by an unusually high number of both. Consequently I spent the rest of the morning in a state of high anxiety. But I'm still here, so maybe it was just heartburn after all...
Welcome to my world. It's not at all a good way to live. Every time I experience some twinge, flutter or random chest pain, I become extremely anxious—which just makes matters worse. My friends have remained ever-optimistic, and I appreciate their support. But the reality of my situation leaves little room for optimism. I tell my friends to assume each time they see me it could be the last. Morbid? No, realistic.
If nothing else, I've got a highly diverse set of interests and skills. Taking a break from modeling, I exercised my writing and video editing chops to make a totally silly parody of a well-known old hip-hop video. It won't be to everyone's taste, and some of the jokes will make no sense. But it was quite a bit of fun nonetheless, and kept me occupied for a week. (And yeah, that's me doing the vocals, I'm embarrassed to admit...) Meanwhile, it looks like next week will offer up some of the best weather of the year. It'll be nice to spend a little time outside.