Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

2001, Square Pictures

A highly-anticipated video game adaptation, Final Fantasy turned out to be a box office bomb that ultimately sank the studio that produced it. They concentrated so hard on the visuals, and invested so much in the technology, that they neglected the story. Consequently, their top-drawer voice talent, including Alec Baldwin, James Woods and Donald Sutherland, were wasted.

The producers' goals were clearly misplaced: they openly broadcast the fact that they intended to create the first "artificial actress," Aki Ross, with plans to "cast" her in multiple films. They even submitted a bikini shot of her to Maxim magazine to generate some additional buzz. To their credit, they did manage to create CGI characters that weren't totally dead-eyed (The Polar Express being the poster child for that problem). Ultimately they they wound up investing over $135 million in a 106-minute snore-fest that recovered all of $85 million.

DKS 12/17/17

GRUMPY OLD FART-O-METER® Rating:

Tolerable

 

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

2009, Visual Works

I'm not even going to try pretending I understand anything about this totally incomprehensible mess. You can blame that on either or both of the following: 1) I know nothing about the video game on which its presumably based, and I don't care to find out. 2) Not being Japanese, I'm ill-equipped to appreciate the film's cultural sensibilities. Viewing it created the sensation I was in a hospital room recovering from serious head trauma, struggling to understand what was playing on the television. That it was dubbed in English didn't provide any help; I could have watched it in its native language, and the effect would be the same. I mean, just look at the poster art...

DKS 12/17/17

GRUMPY OLD FART-O-METER® Rating:

Wet Fart

 

Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV

2016, Visual Works et al

I had hopes this one might be the best of the three; alas, no. Although much bigger and more ambitious, this one lacked some of the imaginative set pieces of the first, which also had the most cohesive story. It does hold together better than the second, but that was a low bar to clear. My biggest problem with all of them: the Uncanny Valley. The budgets just weren't there to meet the filmmakers' desires to create believable CGI-based human characters. In truth, the first one is still the best on all fronts, if by a slim degree, despite being 15 years older.

DKS 2/21/22

GRUMPY OLD FART-O-METER® Rating:

Tolerable

 

Index | Home
All text is Copyright © 2017-2023 by David K. Smith. All Rights Reserved.