Penn Central Stockton Branch

Chapter 8: Postscript

As of this writing, the Penn Central Stockton Branchónumber 18 of 23 layoutsóis doing
its intended job: helping me maintain some semblance of sanity while the forever layout
remains a ďforever fantasy.Ē Although most of the structures have begun to take shape
and a smattering of scenery is under way, not much is finished. That said, the PCSB is
further along than any of my other extant layouts, save for the Trenton Transportation
. At least itís not back in storage.

But itís hard to maintain the momentum when Iím down to one meal a day because I canít
afford any more foodówell, I can, but I have five cats in my care, and whenever I get
some money, I buy cat food before buying food for myself. I can make do without; they
cannot. Indeed, my cats are vital to my survival: without them, Iíd have no reason to
get out of bed.

Zack, Roy, Pris, and their mom Kate. Newcomer Bobby is an outside kitty (for now).

Iíll acknowledge this is not my best work. Not to make excuses, but Iím doing this for
therapyóunder far from ideal conditionsóand not to impress anyone, least of all myself.
That said, the project continues to be a reminder that modeling dereliction isnít an
excuse for sub-standard work. Iíve known for quite some time that sloppy modeling
still looks like sloppy modeling no matter how thickly the rust and grime may be applied.
Sure, it may mean not having to build a roof or include all of the windows and doors, but
in fact itís often more work, given the extra attention paid to distressing and finishing.
The only way to achieve a good-looking derelict is to start with a properly-built model.

Even though Iím retired with little else to do, itís been slow-going, as I suffer from chronic
ďmodelerís block,Ē usually due to waves of deep depression. Occasionally Iíll try to shake
it off by writing; this website consequently came about on modeling downtime. (Sorry,
I didnít write this for the benefit of you, dear reader; I wrote it for the benefit of me.)

In the years since my last regular appearances, Iíve forsaken a modeling business
that had tremendous potential, shunned a number of online friends, and just basically
disappeared. In short, an overwhelming amount of really bad shit has converged on me
involving betrayal, emotional collapse, major health issues, multiple lawyers and financial
ruin. My living conditions are very strange, often scary and entirely unpredictable, with
no resolution in sight. Every time thereís been the faintest glimmer of light at the end
of the tunnel, itís turned out to beówell, you can probably guess what.

What brought me back online? Mostly I just wanted to reassure some friends Iím not
dead or institutionalizedónot yet, anyway. But itís still a far cry from the way things
used to be. Aside from having limited online access, Iím not participating on forums
simply because I cannot face being ďsocial.Ē Also, my ability to document my progress
has been hobbledóI had to sell off all of my photographic equipment, and all I have left
is an old point-and-shoot. To make matters worse, my photo-editing software has shit
the couch, and Iíve yet to find a fix (and updating it is out of the question). Hence
thereís no glut of macro shots of my fingertips holding aloft some unidentifiable bits of
plastic. But, I can still bang away at the keyboard until my fingers bleed. As if anyone
really cares.

Some days I just say fuck it all, and Iíll sit and drink all day.

Life sucks. It is what it is.

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