What I Am Not
I am not a "manly man."
The very thought of being a chest-pounding, primal-screaming bone-crusher is repugnant to the extreme. But that is, in fact, what the male of the species is steadily de-evolving back into (or failing to evolve away from). The increasing preponderance of contact sports and gun violence pretty much prove it.
Oh, I know that I'm not alone. There are still other sensitive, rational, non-violent males out there, but I fear I'm a member of a rapidly-shrinking minority, especially in the current political climate.
For those Neanderthals who fret over such things, there are women who prefer testosterone-saturated males, but you know what? I've not had any difficulty whatsoever finding women who prefer us "nerds." I still proudly proclaim that I hate sports, love bubble baths, and cry at sad movies. And I do not feel as if my masculinity (however one defines that) is threatened in any way.
But growing up when I did meant that I was quickly branded a homosexual. The mothers of the neighborhood boys with whom I refused to play sports spread that rumor, and I was consequently beaten to a pulp for being something I wasn't. The rumor even followed me through college, thanks to the fact that I'd found a like-minded friend. In between girlfriends, we'd hang out together. Scandalous!
I am a gentle person. But gentleness, in the eyes of beer-drinking, football-watching, wife-beating manly-men, is a sign of homosexuality. You know what? Take your manliness and go fuck yourselves. Better still, go nuke yourselves.
For the whole of my adult life, my gender has been an enormous source of embarrassment, because I get lumped into a class of creature that hasn't evolved far enough along to be rightfully regarded as "intelligent." Worse, being white compounds the embarrassment due to the growing "white supremacy" movement. All the members of this abominable form of life are good for is their ability to wreak havoc on other humans. As well as the planet.
Oh, I've heard the battle cry far, far too often. "Let's settle this like men." Settle what, exactly? What will such a conflict prove? It will prove who has the bigger fists. Who has the stronger arms. Who has the most testosterone. But the one who prevails is not necessarily the one who is "right." Indeed, the likelihood is high they're both wrong. And so, with respect to the particulars of the disagreement, it settles precisely nothing.
Stone age mentality. Perhaps, back in the stone age, such abhorrent behavior might have been useful to protect the tribe from lions or other natural threats. But in today's world, where there are virtually no such threats, all it does propagate further senseless violence.
I maintain that the vast majority of the planet's conflicts, wars, and violence are due entirely to the stone-age testosterone-driven senselessness of men. They allow their basest instincts to override their ability to think rationally. And it matters not if wars are politically- or religiously-driven; in much of the world, politics are still based on religion. Think about it: who wears all of the fancy robes and ridiculous headdresses? Who among us call all of the shots for the bulk of the planet? The men do. Compassion be damned; they rule with an iron fist and a stone age will.
I am grateful for many of the things "modern" life has brought us. I've lived long enough to witness a great many spectacular achievements. At the same time, I'd gladly forfeit it all for an opportunity to have lived among Native Americans long before the arrival of the Europeans. They knew how to live with nature, to be intelligent, compassionate, sensible. I'm certain the gender-based behavior back then modern humans might find "objectionable," but to deny the differences between the sexes is to deny our very existence. In the modern world, sexism is indeed a problem; in ancestral times, however, it was a natural thing that helped ensure our survival. But the current all-or-nothing attitude toward sexism has given rise to a great deal of unnecessary bullshit.
Yes, certain aspects of sexual equality are important; others, however, are utterly irrational. Men and women are different. There is no denying this. What we need to do as a society right now is to find a balance: acknowledge the differences as we correct the injustices. However, I maintain this will be an impossibility so long as we remain a patriarchal society. And given the growing political support of testosterone-driven thinking (a.k.a. the "right"), not only is humanity doomed, but so is the Earth. We don't have the time left to figure out how to live intelligently.
As I've said, we are nowhere near evolved enough to be granted the awesome responsibility of running a planet, given our track record of utter irrationality. We are, in a word (or two), still just pond scum. Thus I've resigned myself to regarding the present as the era of the "human virus." We will destroy our home world, and ourselves in the process. Then, very slowly, life will perhaps return—eight or nine billion rotting corpses should provide sufficient nutrients. But hopefully life will not repeat the same mistake by evolving into anything like us ever again.
It all gives rise to the question: where are all of the highly advanced aliens so many have claimed exist, yet have failed to prove? Has every "intelligent" race of beings throughout the known universe self-destructed, just as we are about to do? I have my suspicions.