Blog Archive: Week of 29 September 2024
2 October 2024. And the days keep ticking by. And somehow I'm still here. I'm at a loss as to how that remains the case. I do not feel grateful for existing. What is it about existing that warrants gratefulness? There's that age-old phrase about being glad to be alive. I guess there's something very wrong with me, for I've never felt that. If anything, being alive has to me felt more like a burden, almost a curse. These are thoughts about which I very rarely speak, for they never land on understanding ears.
1 October 2024. Having just gotten yet another new drug, I have a strong suspicion this will lead to yet another new drug: I now have chronic hiccups. I've heard of some drugs doing this, and that there are drugs to control it. Hey, so what's one more pill to take? I'm already downing over a dozen a day...
30 September 2024. It's a curious thing: my daily posts have never been topic-restrictive, that is, there's never been a theme or a subject that's either been off-limits or mandatory. I allow myself total freedom: I can post about any subject matter. That total freedom, however, has never solved the problem of writer's block, when in fact one might think it would be a kind of permanent cure for it. All of which is to say there are days when I stare at the keyboard expecting, or hoping, some topic might magically spring from it spontaneously. Alas, I yet have days like these where the only thing I'm inclined to write about is the fact that I have absolutely nothing to write about. Ah, and here comes Pris to save the day, sitting at my feet giving me an endless supply of topics. Alas, they're all in "cat," and although I've lived with these wonderful creatures my entire life, I've never mastered the skill of writing in their language. Would that I could, though; what fascinating stories I'm certain they'd tell...
29 September 2024. I thought I knew depression. I've had chronic depression my whole life. This is something new, something different. I can't say that it's worse. All I can say is that I feel weaker, like I'm much older now. Wishing someone would stop reminding me of it all.