Jupiter Ascending

2015, Village Roadshow Pictures et al

One might have thought, based on the acclaim bestowed upon The Matrix alone, the Wachowski brothers/sisters (I won't go there) could walk on water. But their release of Jupiter Ascending almost literally drowned them in bad press. I honestly can't imagine any studio offering them money to make something else after seeing this utter bomb.

If one struggles through it—perhaps aided by some magic mushrooms?—one could maybe sorta vaguely catch faint glimpses of what the Wachowskis were attempting to accomplish... or not. Regardless, the wildly incoherent results—a serious understatement, I hasten to add—suggest that everyone involved in making it must have partaken in too many magic mushrooms. Human/bee hybrids? Seriously, WTF?

The only thing saving it from being utter CRAP? Stunning visuals. If you're a Jupiter Ascending virgin and are tempted to watch it, I recommend muting the sound (if only to avoid Eddie Redmayne's annoyingly bizarre vocal affectation) and just enjoy the pretty light show; do not bother attempting to figure it out.

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CRAP

MEH

WOW

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