Grumpy Bucket List

Ever since learning of my terminal heart disease, my best bud has been pestering me to make a "bucket list." He was hoping I'd say something like, "Let's go to a strip club."

Seriously? I can assure my readers that would not be on my bucket list, assuming I even wanted a bucket list in the first place.

What the hell do I need a bucket list for? I've already had a life filled to overflowing with experiences, and anything else I might have wanted to do would be quite impossible. I am sated. Anyway, once I'm gone, I won't be sitting around afterward moaning, "Gee, I wish I'd done this or that before I died." Really, bucket lists are more for your friends than they are for yourself. They're the ones who will be sitting around afterward moaning, "Gee, I wish we'd done this or that before he died."

So... Here's my official bucket list:

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